08. 29. 2024

As a mom of four and a therapist working closely with adolescents and teens, I see the challenges our kids face every day. We want the best for our children—we want them to be happy, healthy, and safe. But in today’s digital age, where social media is a constant presence, it’s hard not to worry about the potential dangers that are just a click away.

I’ve witnessed firsthand how social media can deeply affect young minds—sometimes in ways that are heartbreaking. It’s not just about staying connected with friends or sharing a picture; it’s about the pressure, the comparison, and the impact on their mental health. If you’re like me, you want to know how to help your kids navigate this digital world safely, and that’s exactly what I want to discuss with you today.

The Scary Link Between Social Media and Suicidality

Let me tell you about a teen I worked with not too long ago. She was 15, bright, and full of potential, but social media was dragging her down. She spent hours on Instagram and TikTok, scrolling through images of other people's seemingly perfect lives. The constant comparison and the subtle pressures to look a certain way, act a certain way, or have the "right" friends started eating away at her self-esteem. She withdrew from her family, her grades started slipping, and eventually, she began having suicidal thoughts.

Sadly, this is not an isolated incident. Recent studies confirm what I see in my practice. For instance, a 2023 study published in The Journal of Adolescence found that teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media are twice as likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. Even more alarming, these teens are at a significantly higher risk of developing suicidal thoughts. Another study from JAMA Network Open in 2022 showed that adolescents who are heavy social media users report feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness at much higher rates . The connection between social media and mental health is undeniable, and as parents, we need to be aware of it.

Girls vs. Boys: Understanding Suicide Risks

One of the most heartbreaking realities I’ve come across is the difference in how boys and girls experience and act on suicidal thoughts. Research shows that while girls are more likely to attempt suicide, boys are more likely to die by suicide. It’s a chilling statistic, but it’s often due to the methods involved—boys tend to choose more lethal means, such as firearms, whereas girls might use less immediately fatal methods like overdosing.

The latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shows that suicide rates among children aged 9-12 have been rising, with boys accounting for a higher percentage of deaths, despite more attempts being made by girls. In 2021, suicide was the second leading cause of death among kids aged 10-14, and the third leading cause among those aged 15-19 . This data is not just numbers—it's our children, and the message is clear: we need to be vigilant, regardless of gender, and recognize the signs of distress early.

The Shocking Reality of Internet Access and Suicide Knowledge

One of the most chilling things I’ve encountered as both a mom and a therapist is how easily young children can find harmful information online. I’ve had gut-wrenching conversations with parents who were horrified to learn that their child knew how to attempt suicide because they had seen instructions on the internet. The internet, for all its wonders, can be a terrifying place for young, impressionable minds.

Unrestricted access means that even very young children, who may not fully grasp the permanence of death, can stumble upon this dark content. This is why monitoring their internet use is so critical. We need to protect our kids from encountering such harmful material when they’re not equipped to process it or understand the consequences.

Why Waiting Until 8th Grade to Give Your Child a Phone Matters

As a parent, I know how tempting it is to give your child a smartphone early, especially when all their friends seem to have one. But there’s compelling research suggesting that waiting until at least 8th grade can make a big difference in your child’s mental health.

The Wait Until 8th movement, which encourages parents to delay giving their children smartphones until they’re in 8th grade, is backed by studies showing that early smartphone use is linked to increased anxiety, depression, and difficulties with attention. A 2018 study published in Clinical Psychological Science found that adolescents who spend more time on their smartphones are more likely to report mental health issues . Younger kids, who are still learning to navigate social interactions and emotions, might not be ready to handle the pressures that come with having constant access to social media.

By waiting, we give our kids more time to mature, their brains to develop, and for them to develop a stronger sense of self, and to establish healthier habits around technology. I’ve seen how waiting can lead to better outcomes, both in my home and in my practice. None of my children have a phone and my husband and I have agreed that we will revisit that conversation when they have reached 8th grade.

Experts Recommend Delaying Social Media Until High School

It’s not just about when to give them a phone—experts are increasingly advising parents to delay giving their kids access to social media until they reach high school. This advice is grounded in research that shows early exposure to social media can negatively impact a child's mental and emotional development.

A 2020 study published in The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health found that children who started using social media before the age of 13 were more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem by the time they reached high school . Social media platforms are designed to be addictive, and younger children, whose brains are still developing, are particularly vulnerable.

As a mom, I get that this is a hard decision. It’s hard when your child feels left out because they’re not on the same platforms as their friends. But I know that giving them time to grow up without the added pressures of social media is a gift. It’s time they can spend developing real-world friendships, learning who they are, and building the resilience they’ll need to navigate the online world when the time is right.

Why We Need to Monitor Our Kids' Social Media Use

I know how much we want to trust our kids. We want to give them the space to grow, make their own choices, and even learn from their mistakes. But when it comes to social media, the stakes are just too high for us to take a back seat.

Monitoring your child’s phone and social media use isn’t about being intrusive—it’s about keeping them safe. Think about it like this: we wouldn’t let our kids wander into dangerous neighborhoods alone, so why would we let them navigate the vast, unfiltered world of social media without guidance? Staying involved means setting limits on screen time, knowing what apps they’re using, and having those sometimes tough but necessary conversations about what they’re seeing and experiencing online.

The Risks of Unrestricted Phone and Internet Use

Let’s talk about another harsh reality: the dangers of unrestricted phone and internet access. With just a swipe, our kids can be exposed to content we would never want them to see—violent videos, harmful websites, and yes, even dangerous online communities that encourage self-harm or worse.

I’ve seen too many young people fall down these dark rabbit holes, and it’s devastating. A 2020 study in Sleep Medicine Reviews even found that excessive screen time—especially before bed—leads to poor sleep, which only worsens depression and anxiety . Sleep is critical for our kids' mental health, and yet so many are losing it to late-night scrolling.

This is why setting boundaries around phone and internet use is so important.

Social Media Apps: More Harm Than Good?

We have to remember that social media apps are designed to be addictive. They’re built to keep users hooked, scrolling for hours, chasing likes, and constantly checking for updates. For our kids, whose brains are still developing, this can be a recipe for disaster.

I’ve worked with teens who’ve become consumed by the need for social validation—how many likes their posts get, how many followers they have—and it takes a real toll on their self-esteem. A 2022 study in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that exposure to emotionally charged or harmful content on social media significantly increases the risk of suicidal thoughts in vulnerable teens . As parents, we need to stay aware of what these apps are doing to our kids. This means keeping an eye on who they’re interacting with, what content they’re consuming, and how it’s affecting them. And most importantly, it means teaching them that their worth isn’t tied to a number on a screen

Navigating the world of social media as a parent is tough, but it’s a challenge we have to face head-on. Our kids are growing up in a digital age, and while we can’t turn back the clock, we can take steps to protect them.

Sources:

1. The Journal of Adolescence (2023). Study on social media use and mental health among teens.

2. JAMA Network Open (2022). Association between social media use and suicidal ideation in adolescents.

3. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) (2023). Statistics on suicide rates among children and adolescents.

4. Clinical Psychological Science (2018). Study on the impact of smartphone use on adolescent mental health.

5. The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health (2020). Study on the effects of early social media use on mental health.

6. Sleep Medicine Reviews (2020). The impact of screen time on sleep and mental health.

7. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking (2022). Effects of exposure to harmful content on social media and its relation to suicidality in teens.