Five Reasons You Shouldn’t Confide in Your Teenager

8.19.2024

Discussing personal problems with your teenager might seem like a way to build trust, but it can lead to various negative consequences, including enmeshment. Here are five reasons why it’s not advisable to burden your teen with your issues:

1. Emotional Burden

Teens are already navigating their own complex emotions and developmental changes. Sharing your personal problems can add an unnecessary emotional burden, leading to stress and anxiety. According to the American Psychological Association, teens are not equipped to handle adult problems and might feel overwhelmed or helpless (APA, 2017).

2. Role Reversal

Parents should provide support and stability, not the other way around. When parents share their problems with their teens, it can create a role reversal where the teen feels responsible for the parent’s emotional well-being. This can hinder their development of independence and self-confidence (Papp, L.M., Cummings, E.M., & Goeke-Morey, M.C., 2002, "For Richer, for Poorer: Money as a Topic of Marital Conflict in the Home," Family Relations).

3. Impact on Mental Health

Exposing teens to adult issues can negatively impact their mental health. Teens may feel guilt, worry excessively, or develop anxiety and depression as a result of their perceived responsibility for their parent’s problems (Kerr, M., & Bowen, M., 1988, "Family Evaluation: An Approach Based on Bowen Theory").

4. Hinders Social Development

Teens need space to develop their social skills and peer relationships. Focusing on a parent’s problems can divert their attention and energy away from these essential aspects of their development. This can lead to social isolation and difficulties in forming healthy relationships (Bowen, M., 1978, "Family Therapy in Clinical Practice").

5. Enmeshment

Enmeshment is a term used to describe relationships where boundaries are blurred, and personal autonomy is compromised. In an enmeshed family, children may become overly involved in their parents' lives to the detriment of their own development. This can lead to issues with identity formation and future relationship boundaries (Minuchin, S., 1974, "Families and Family Therapy").

While it’s important to model healthy emotional expression and problem-solving for your teen, sharing your personal problems can lead to negative consequences such as emotional burden, role reversal, and enmeshment. It’s crucial to maintain appropriate boundaries to ensure your teen’s healthy emotional and social development.

Sources

• American Psychological Association. (2017). "Stress in America: The State of Our Nation".

• Papp, L.M., Cummings, E.M., & Goeke-Morey, M.C. (2002). "For Richer, for Poorer: Money as a Topic of Marital Conflict in the Home," Family Relations.

• Kerr, M., & Bowen, M. (1988). "Family Evaluation: An Approach Based on Bowen Theory".

• Bowen, M. (1978). "Family Therapy in Clinical Practice".

• Minuchin, S. (1974). "Families and Family Therapy".